Connect with us

The week that was in Thailand news: The calamity that is so long a life in Thailand

Lifestyle

The week that was in Thailand news: The calamity that is so long a life in Thailand

To splash or not to splash, that is the question. Whether ’tis knobblier in the mind to nip to Tops, And suffer the ice and powder of baiting adults, Masquerading as children, or to raise arms against A sea of high power hoses intent on bringing me, Off my Honda. And by opposing them, Be deemed culturally insensitive. Or stay home and Sleep, or even die ‘ere watching endless reruns of Fawlty Thus avoiding Thailand’s Midsummer Mayhem. And by a sleep to say we end (at least for now) The thousand natural shocks that those who enjoyed the Fleshpots of Thailand are heir to. ‘Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish’d……perchance to dream of those Years gone by when we feigned a love of Songkran, To please the girlfriend. But now as we hurtle towards Shuffling off that mortal coil we don’t give a Yorick’s. But pause, and stay behind the safety of our Keyboards – giving self-respect to that calamity That is so Long a Life in Thailand.

So speaketh the self-styled Bard of Ratchayothin, though to be fair some would rather seem him “barred”.

Whether or not to venture out into the streets this year was rather taken out of Rooster’s hands. Mrs Rooster and the chicks had flown the coop and were out of town. And the grown up children visiting from Yonder Albion are past that flush of youth when throwing water was once deemed ‘sanuk’. They expressed the need for some simple home time with mum and dad in Thailand….. to get away from the trials and tribulations of Brexit if nothing else.

Many years over several decades in Thailand, after the thrill of wetting farang bar owners in Soi Cowboy wore off, I would consciously hide come mid-April no matter where and with whom I was living. Now I hardly go out anyway. I spend so much of my life hiding in a sweltering box behind a keyboard peering at a screen that I’m beginning to feel like one of those forum curmudgeons and Thai bashers I so despise!

Som nam na (serves you right) I can hear you – and them – say!

As Songkran loomed on the horizon like my old neighbor’s smalls on the balcony washing line, I contacted my editor to volunteer for extra work. If I am to stay in why not continue to monitor the madness that is the Thai news, I reasoned. Despite the offer of a New Year break, why not soldier on and offer my services in translating news of the inevitable road carnage on an hourly basis, rather than just in round-up when the final death toll is revealed. Call it dedication….or an excuse to have a few days off AFTER Songkran when it will be much nicer to be out and I might actually remain alive after a short ride with the family.

I’ll be going to Cha-Am not Pattaya. I made that mistake one year. Patting myself on the back for having avoided Bangkok splashings for yet another year I had headed the sports car south east, blissfully forgetful that they soak each other there until about May. The once beautiful car, now covered in sludge, oily perfumes and staining St Luke powder, limped into Pattaya apologetically eight hours after leaving Bangkok following the Khun Mae of all Sukhumvit traffic jams. One less than happy camper was growling behind the wheel.

Welcome once more to QUOTES – the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard.

Consequently I have been glued to the Thai news these last few days and, if I’m honest, the last few weeks. This week we were treated on the forum to the biggest Thai soap opera of this or any other recent year – the transfer of Big Joke and his mysterious appointment as a special adviser to uncle Big Pom’s chief Big Too. Bigs were everywhere.

To say that speculation was rife would have been the understatement of the decade. Big Joke’s rise has been meteoric and all his poster boy antics and press conferences have been followed by both Thai and very much now the foreign, English speaking social media. Thaivisa has been a big factor in that with yours truly guilty as charged..

By continually referring to the moniker of Big Joke the life of Maj-Gen then Lt-Gen Surachate Hakparn began to be a feature of Thais’ AND foreigners’ lives alike. The nickname helped of course, but so did the stories that propelled BJ to the forefront; all those naughty Romance Scammers, mostly black with their Thai female accomplices, Chinese miscreants running call centers, over stayers etc. etc…..

The self-righteous foreigners who proudly proclaimed that they “played by the rules” enjoyed the torment of the Nigerians and their equally vilified white overstaying crims. All hail Big Joke!Big Joke for PM! was all you could hear for a moment or two in time. All hail the end of police corruption was also heard though scarcely given credence!

Until BJ made the seminal mistake, as least as far as the expat community was concerned, and took up the reins of immigration. And – if his detractors are to be believed – somehow connived with the embassies to make the lives of retirees hell. Suddenly Big Joke was just that. Almost overnight he became a trumped up, attention seeking ne’er do well who despised all foreigners and deserved to be hated and hounded to oblivion.

How fickle are people when they feel that their own circumstances are threatened.

Nobody in their right mind would think that his transfer has anything to do with the views of the expat community or its large band of retirees. They may have been poorly treated but in the bigger picture they are but a grain of sand in that vast cosmos that is the Thais, their complex relationships and their all pervasive corruption, patronage and influence peddling.

Where the truth lies in the Big Joke saga, frankly, I don’t care to speculate here. If Christopher Hitchens were still with us I’m sure he’d know but unfortunately he’s not.

But I found it amusing that everyone and his pit bull had a cast iron view on the forum. With wink-wink posts some referred to a well known Edinburgh uni lecturer and his online views. These posters quickly suspend disbelief as they rush headlong to believe what they want to believe and thus appear knowledgeable in the eyes of those they deem ill-informed. He may have written a book, he may have knowledge, he may love Thailand – but he has an almighty axe to grind.

As perhaps we all do.

Others went many steps further into madness with their “insider” knowledge. They asked us to believe their opinions because their wife said so. Or because they have mates in Songkhla (BJ’s hometown). Or because the Thai girl on the next bar stool translated the caption on the TV into bitty English. Or because they had a VPN. Or because they have insight like the forum guys who mysteriously know the exact penis size of every Thai male. Or because…..

Everyone had an opinion and only a few – mostly those who have been in Thailand the longest incidentally – said they didn’t know and probably never would even if an explanation was forthcoming!

For there, to go back to the bard, is the rub. Whatever we are told – especially in a country like Thailand where the truth is a commodity strictly guarded by those in power – we should smile like the Thais, nod and say yes of course, that must be it…….and reject it out of hand! For this and a thousand far more important mysteries dating back to the earliest palace intrigues of the era of the constitutional monarchy and beyond will forever remain just that….mysterious and unsolved lost in the passage of time and its concomitant deceit.

Aware that I have rambled more than enough and that you may wish to go out and get revenge on the noisy neighbors and their yapping dog by giving them a good Songkran dousing here are a few Rooster awards.

The “Please Don’t Come To Tea Even If We Invite You By Mistake” award goes to “Ai Korn” in Koh Si Chang who raped and murdered a 26 year old German lady out peacefully riding a bike on a sunny day in the Land of Smiles. I’m not in favor of the death penalty but I do hope this miscreant never again sees the light of day that he so cruelly denied to his young and entirely innocent victim.

The “Understandable Canine Modesty” award I give to the editorial team over at Sanook for their work on an online story about a man falling on hard times having to find homes for his pit bulls. The daddy of the pups was pictured with his dog-hood thankfully obscured. The childish British translator in me is still chuckling days after I penned the phrase “pixelated penis”. I make no excuse for ALWAYS finding a fart funny especially when it is done by a prim and proper woman during tea and buttered scones with a man of the cloth.

The “Go Back to Kindergarten Drawing Award” goes to the taxi driver in Bangkok who crudely changed the number on his cab with what looked like a dab or two of yellow paint and some magic marker. Apparently jail awaits such wrongdoers which made Rooster – normally an upright if not actually Thai citizen – believe I dodged a bullet in the past.

I bought a new and very swanky 900cc Kawasaki chopper and tried to get a personalized number plate – 1882, the founding year of my beloved Spurs. The best I could do for free was 882 so I cut out a strip of black plastic to complete the cherished job. On my first car when I was a relatively new father in Thailand it had the Thai letters that spell out the word “phor” meaning enough. A little plastic tape mark above the letters transformed the word into “phor” with a falling tone.

Now it meant father and this was DADDY’S CAR!

Fortunately I never got arrested for either offence. I sold the Kawa and Mrs Rooster 1 now drives the car….with the “may ek” tone mark still in place!

Finally the “Don’t Be So Boring” award I give to my editors who rejected my suggested headline for a story about the dire state of Songkram tourism in Pattaya. They opted for “Hotel bookings down as tourists stay away” pouring cold water, appropriately enough for this of all weeks, on my infinitely superior suggestion:

“Pattaya in doo-doo, it’s as dead as a dodo”.

Yes, I’ll never grow up and I might even change tack and go out and do some splashing!

Merry Songkran everybody and a Happy New Year.

Rooster

Continue Reading

Reeya never misses a fun event and has worked for Inspire since 2014

Click to comment

You must be logged in to post a comment Login

Leave a Reply

More in Lifestyle

Join our Newsletter

Events

december, 2019

26jul(jul 26)18:3028dec(dec 28)18:30Weekend Pizza Lover at G Hua Hin Resort and MallBuy 1 Get 1 Free!!!!

01nov17:0031dec(dec 31)18:00Sunset Cocktails at Vana Nava Sky, Holiday Inn Vana Nava Hua HinCome to the best place in Hua Hin to enjoy a stunning Sunsetview while sipping on cocktails on our sky deck.

30nov01decFather Ted’s 4 year Anniversary PartyJoin us in Father Teds on Sunday the 1st of December as we celebrate our 4 year Anniversary in Style, welcoming back the greatest Thairish Band to ever grace a stage in South East Asia, the one and only, Legendary, ERROR99 Band.

01dec14:0018:00Hua Hin Aloha Party in Pink™ Zumbathon™ at Khao Takiab beachParty in PinkTM is a global movement dedicated to raising funds for the fight against breast cancer.

05dec05:0009:00Hua Hin Trail Marathon at Rajabhakti ParkFirst time with the route City / Land / Forest Hill / Flat Land / Beach from “Rajapak Park”

05dec(dec 5)09:3007(dec 7)21:30Holiday Inn Vana Nava Hua Hin Junior Team Events & Faldo Series Qualifier December 2019Holiday Inn Vana Nava Hua Hin will break new ground in Junior Golf in Thailand in the next month, when it serves as host property for The Inaugural Junior Team Trophy & Faldo Series Qualifying Event to be held at Banyan GC between 5-7 December 2019.

05dec(dec 5)11:3009(dec 9)14:30Dad Dines Free” at White Lotus Restaurant, Hilton Hua Hin Resort & Spa In celebration of Father’s Day, reward Dad at White Lotus with ‘Dad dines free’ with every three full-paying adults for a sumptuous dim sum buffet lunch priced

05dec18:0021:00Christmas Tree Lighting at Anantara Hua Hin ResortMarvel at our unique tropical Christmas tree incorporating 10,000 local pineapples. Help us count down to the lighting of our resort Christmas Tree.

06dec12:3016:00Christmas Fair at The British Educational Children’s CenterA day of food, fun and games for the whole family. Starting at 20THB, your children can enjoy a variety of activities and games in a Christmas themed fair.

06dec17:3019:00Blúport Happy Festival “Christmas Lighting Ceremony”You are cordially invited to “Christmas Lighting Ceremony”. Spectacular with large Christmas trees, colorful illumination in the “Under the sea” theme.

06dec(dec 6)22:0007(dec 7)02:00Glow Party at Blue Monkey Hua HinWe are having special guest Tattoo artists from the Monkey Tattoo Studio to body paint you.

07dec(dec 7)08:0008(dec 8)18:00Innomedia Hua Hin World Cup 2019 at True Arena Hua HinThe 7:th edtion of Hua Hin World cup will take place at True Arena.

07dec17:3021:00Christmas Santa & Santy Kids Fashion Show 2019 at HuaHin Market VillageJoin the fashion show from kids at the Santa Sandy theme at Hua Hin’s Christmas Light Up Festival “Light Up Christmas Tree 2019”.

08dec11:0014:00Vana Nava Sky Infinity BrunchSpend a leisurely morning and afternoon at Hua Hin’s best brunch spot with access to an incredible infinity pool or waterpark.

08dec15:0020:00Lovely Christmas market at Lovely Guesthouse 94Everyone is welcome to visit and there are a few free spaces in case you wish to participate as a seller (first, second hand or home made products).

10dec18:0022:00Moonlit Barbecue on the Beach at Hua Hin Marriott Resort & SpaEnjoy a memorable dining experience under the soft glow of the moon on Hua Hin Beach.

12dec(dec 12)09:3014(dec 14)23:30Thailand’s Royal Coast + Hua Hin Bike Week Event RideWe offer several package motorcycle rides, as well as bespoke motorcycle rides if Guest Bikers prefer to design their own.

12dec01janFestive Season 2019 at Centara Grand Beach Resort & Villas Hua HinIn addition to a diverse range of seasonal dining offers at our signature restaurants, we encourage you to visit and enjoy the activities we have prepared to keep you feeling festive all season long.

13dec12:0016:00Mali Signature Grand OpeningCome and view our 4 new show villas. Snacks & soft drinks will be served all day.

19dec(dec 19)10:0025(dec 25)22:00The Chocolate Room at Anantara Hua Hin ResortCome explore the exceptional display of chocolates and sculptures in Sala Siam’s climate-controlled Wine Room.

19dec18:0020:00Hua Hin Business Network Wine Event at Siam RestaurantYou are cordially invited to Hua Hin Business Network’s December Wine Evening on 19th December at Siam Restaurant Hua Hin.

21dec(dec 21)18:3025(dec 25)22:00CIBO Festivo at Anantara Hua Hin ResortA Food Festival featuring festive Italian specialties for your exploration. Savour our special 3-course set menu including a unique table served traditional Christmas dessert Panettone.

24dec13:0022:00A Starlit Christmas Eve at Avani+ Hua Hin ResortKick off the festive season in beachside style with a mouthwatering seafood BBQ

24dec18:0021:30Christmas Eve Buet Dinner at Holiday Inn Vana Nava Hua HinSanta Claus and Christmas Carols

24dec18:0022:00White Christmas Dinner Buffet at Marrakesh Hua Hin Resort & SpaSpend your memorable Christmas Eve under the stars by Hua Hin’s most beautiful beach with our scrumptious array of festive buffet menu.

24dec(dec 24)18:0025(dec 25)22:00Christmas Dinner Delights at Mövenpick Asara Resort & Spa Hua HinDiscover the elegance festive dining at Kampu Restaurant.

24dec18:3022:30Christmas Eve Buffet Dinner at Novotel Hua Hin Cha Am Beach Resort & SpaTreat your family and friends to our scrumptious Christmas Eve Buffet Dinner at Novotel Hua Hin Cha Am Beach Resort and Spa.

24dec01janFestive Season at Hilton Hua Hin Resort & SpaThis year, guests can discover the perfect festive destination with a variety of venue options and a selection of tempting cuisine, together with sparkling entertainment.

24dec18:3022:30Christmas Eve Beachcomber BBQ at InterContinental Hua Hin ResortMake Christmas Eve delightfully different with a BBQ dinner on the beach. Featuring traditional holiday dishes

24dec18:3021:30Christmas Eve Dinner in Hua Hin at The Rock Hua Hin Beach ResortEnjoy the festivities and the gentle evening breeze over Khao Takiab beach and live music.

24dec18:3022:00Christmas Eve dinner at Amari Hua HinGet together with friends and family for magical Christmas Feasts.

24dec18:3022:30Christmas Eve 2019 at Sheraton Hua Hin Resort & SpaExperience the holiday magic of a beachside Christmas Eve.

24dec18:3022:00Christmas Gala Dinner 2019 at Rim Talay restaurant by Laksasubha Hua HinCelebrate this Christmas Eve on our beachfront and enjoy a festive buffet dinner with traditional Christmas favorites.

24dec18:3022:30Christmas Eve Buffet Dinner at Figs, Hyatt Regency Hua HinChristmas is all about having a wonderful time with family and friends so come celebrate in the magical ambiance of the newly renovated Figs restaurant, where you truly enter into the spirit of the festive season.

24dec19:0022:00Christmas Eve Dinner at Anantara Hua Hin ResortJoin us oceanside for tropical indulgence this Christmas Eve.Feast on ocean delights, savour Christmas classics along with decadent desserts.

24dec19:0022:306 Course Festive Dinner at McFarland House24-hour crispy skin pork belly, slow-roasted turkey and finishing up with Christmas desserts

24dec19:0022:30Christmas Eve Party 2019 at The Beach at Anantasila Bar and RestaurantJoin in our yuletide celebrations this year with a festive feast and an evening of live shows.

25dec10:3015:30Christmas Day Buffet Lunch at Banyan Golf Club, Hua HinWhat else could be better than to celebrate Christmas Day at Banyan Golf Club?

25dec10:3020:30Festive season – Bring the joy to the world and Eat Melon Bingsu at Cactus Bingsu CAFEDuring December 2019 Festive Season month – our cafe would like to share the joy and delicious bingsu to all customer by offering 10% discount on every Green Melon Bingsu on the 25th December 2019 from 10.00 to 20.30 pm.

25dec12:0023:55Roast Turkey & Honey Glazed Ham Christmas Dinner from Midday at Father Teds3 Course, Roast Turkey and Honey Glazed Ham Christmas dinner with a free welcome drink

25dec12:0022:00Christmas Day Lunch at Holiday Inn Vana Nava Hua HinIndulge in a mouthwatering Christmas special that even Santa has reserved a table for.

25dec12:0015:00Christmas Day Brunch Buffet at InterContinental Hua Hin ResortEnjoy a heart-warming Christmas Day with brunch at Azure Restaurant featuring holiday decorations and visit from Santa with gifts for the children.

25dec12:0015:00Christmas Brunch at Novotel Hua Hin Cha Am Beach Resort & SpaEnjoy our culinary masterpiece, chef’s specially selected traditional Christmas brunch.

25dec12:0016:00Christmas Day Brunch at Sheraton Hua Hin Resort & SpaChristmas is upon us and where better to enjoy your family Christmas brunch than at The Deck Terrace and Restaurant

25dec12:3023:00Christmas Culinary Special at Hua Hin Marriott Resort & SpaExperience an unforgettable Christmas Day at Hua Hin Marriott Resort & Spa! Let your day be filled with fun, feasts and family entertainment.

25dec18:3022:30Poolside Barbecue at You & Mee, Hyatt Regency Hua HinTis the season to be merry on Christmas day, join us for a super fun poolside BBQ.

25dec18:3022:00Christmas Day dinner at Amari Hua HinEnjoy a spectacular Christmas Day set dinner featuring our spread of classic Christmas items with a beautiful beach view.

26dec17:3021:30Boxing Day Beachside BBQ at Avani+ Hua Hin ResortKeep the party going with a lazy day grazing by the ocean with chilled vibes.

28dec18:0022:00BBQ Night Buffet at Amari Hua HinDinner from 18:00 to22:00

31dec18:0022:00New Year’s Eve Buet at Holiday Inn Vana Nava Hua HinClassical Thai dance and Fisherman dance show

31dec18:3022:00New Year’s Eve 2019 | Bohemian Breeze at Mövenpick Asara Resort & Spa Hua HinGet ready to celebrate New Year’s Eve in true style this year, with an entertainment-packed all night at Mövenpick Asara Resort & Spa Hua Hin.

31dec01janEight-course Gala Dinner & Symphony Night at InterContinental Hua Hin ResortMark 2019’s coda and applaud 2020’s intro with our Eight-Course Gala Dinner & Symphony Night.

31dec01janNew Year’s Eve The Rock Hua HinJoin the new year’s count down with lavish dinner buffet and watch fireworks display evening by the sea over Khao Takiab Beach and live music.

31dec01janNew Year Gala Dinner at Laksasubha Hua Hin ResortCelebrate and send off the last night of the year at a Thai temple themed festival.

31dec01janNew Year Silver Celebration at Mozza Mia Hua HinJoin us as we say Goodbye to 2019 in Style & Bring In The Year 2020 with a Big Bang.

31dec01jan2020 NYE Party with “The Bangkok Beatles” and VDJ at Father TedsThis year we are very proud to announce that we will be providing the good people of Hua Hin, and very much welcomed guests to our beautiful City, with a quality New Years Eve Party to remember.

31dec01janNew Year’s Eve Countdown Beach Party at Hua Hin Marriott Resort & SpaDance the night away with your loved ones, enjoy cool drinks and be dazzled by amazing retro-themed decorations, entertainment and our grand firework display.

Sponser

Trending


werehumans web design and SEO Pattaya

To Top
X